I just need to get this out. I know I’m going to sound like a crybaby, but maybe if I put it in words, someone out there will sympathize with me, though I don’t really expect anyone to. I mean, if someone wrote what I’m about to say and I read it, I’d probably just say “boohoo, that’s life, suck it up!” But here I go:
This has been one of the most difficult semesters I’ve ever had, workload-wise. I know I did it to myself; taking 5 classes, working part-time, becoming the interim Sunday School “principle,” all the while trying to maintain some kind of social life. It hasn’t been pretty. I’ve become a bit of a hermit, and snappy at people that really don’t deserve it at all. All the while, my grandparents think I’m some lazy person that just leeches off my parents, and that I’m a bad person simply because I have a sidecut. Nothing in life is fair.
These classes – I’m doing well in the minor/elective classes, and really struggling in the classes for my major, the ones that actually count. It seems like every professor thinks his/her class is the only one I’m taking. Some of the work is not actually difficult, but quite tedious. Some of it does not interest me at all. Group projects will be the death of me, even though I know I will need to build a team for my future business. It just seems all so unrealistic. I would never pick these slackers as business partners. One of my professors is a bit full of himself and loves to name-drop the colleges that his kids went to. Class is basically him showing us a bunch of Youtube, or TedTalk videos, and then he adds comments onto them. Homework assignments (not counting the group project) are hour+ long videos that we have to do write-ups for. Oh my gosh, I cannot get over how difficult it is to coordinate scheduling to work on group projects, especially when everyone works and lives so far from each other! Commuter schools suck. Everyone here is miserable, and we all suffer together while hating each other for it.
Another one of my classes is a hybrid class – meaning we only meet once a week, and the rest of the work is done via discussion board on BlackBoard, or independent study. SOOOOOO much reading. I’m probably spending too much time thinking of what to respond to on the discussion boards. I actually want to put out quality work though, not just post things just to get a point for posting.
Finance. I don’t think I will ever truly understand those concepts. I just try to follow patterns in the computing of numbers. I have a terrible grasp on the value of the dollar.
I don’t mind my part-time job. It’s actually quite therapeutic for me. Commuting, though, takes time. Also stressing about long-term plans of working at this bakery…
One outlet for me has been playing ultimate frisbee. It’s fun, I’ve met some really great people, and it forces me to exercise. Again though, commuting is a killer.
I’m exhausted. All. The. Time. I should probably drop something, but I hate not following through on my commitments.
I seriously cannot wait for this semester to be over. I cannot wait to graduate. I’m done with school. If I ever get it into my crazy mind that graduate school is a good idea, someone please give me a big slap in the face. No more.