I have a strange memory. Not a particular memory. Just in general. I remember weird things. Very specific, detailed things. But only sometimes. I don’t know why. Well, no, that’s a lie. Some memories stick because they are attached to significant events in my life, but I’m not always willing to admit it to myself or others. I have a knack for memorizing facts (which comes in handy for school). I’m especially good with birthdays. Sometimes I can remember when and where I met someone, with some pretty defining details of what we were wearing as well. This memory thing can be a gift, but lately, it’s starting to feel like a curse.
I say this because I’ve realized that my good memory, more often than not, leads me to hold grudges. These grudges can be petty or hold more weight, but either way, they affect how I interact with others. And it doubles worse because I also happen to be a cynic/pessimist.
I don’t know… I’ve been wrestling with this whole forgive but not forget thing, if you can call it a thing. I think I’ve forgiven, but then my memory prevents me from moving forward, so then I have to do this whole forgiveness thing over again. It’s conscious and it’s painful.
Well, I was going to go on, but as I was writing this, I came across this old sermon clip/excerpt: 10 Things Forgiveness Is Not.
I started out writing about memory, but I’ve ended up where I was 4 years ago. Oh the irony.