Thoughts from Midnight

My head is spinning.

Usually I would just go to sleep and forget about all these miscellaneous thoughts, but I feel they are important and that I should “jot” them down before they disappear.

First, I want to say that I am really excited about the new sermon series that we are starting at High Rock Brookline called “Renovate.” We are entering into a season of spiritual renovation, as a church and as individuals. Some of the leaders and members of the church put together this really cool interactive daily devotional (that can be found here. It’s suppose to be a “secret” but I think they were joking. Also, if you want to follow along, you can listen to the sermons here, but I don’t think they posted this past Sunday’s up yet.) Yeah, so I went through the devotional today (or yesterday if you want to be technical) and wrote down my reaction to this renovation process beginning. (Was that a weird way to end a sentence?)  Plainly, I’m thrilled. It’s something I know I NEED and I WANT it as well. There’s going to be a lot of demolition before rebuilding, and I know I’m probably going to brace myself with some resistance, but this will be good. My spiritual well has been dry for a long time. I want LIVING WATER.

Some scattered thoughts about school decisions. My cousins sort of convinced me that culinary is a better/more probable path for me than carpentry. I can be a bit stubborn (okay, more than a bit) and I was sort of set on risking and waiting to hear back from carpentry, but even so, I started to see their point. I don’t want to make this so absolute, but basically it’s going to be one or the other. I cannot pursue both. It would be pointless to start/finish one and then move on to the next. Anyway, this will be a macro decision, as a friend would say, because it will affect my situation for the next year or so and for the imminent months to come. A few examples: Will I be in NY or Boston? Will I be able to go on this missions trip? Will I be able to go on family vacation (that is already in the works)? And all this is going to affect the relationships I have or could potentially have…

By the way, my roommate from Freshmen year is engaged. !!!!!!!!

Mutual friends have been freaking out about this, saying “But they’re so young!”, and it seems that all around us people are getting together. Funny isn’t it? Because it’s February. Looooooove month. Hahaha. Anyway, I don’t think we’re that young anymore. We definitely are a different generation than our parents, but I never EVER hoped for myself to put career first and marry at like 30 or beyond. Then again, I’m pretty old-fashioned and mostly domesticated (haha, I make myself sound like some house pet). BUT! this doesn’t mean I’m not up for adventure. Hehhehheh…

So tonight I went to an InterVarsity meeting as usual on a Monday. We did a BGIG or a Big Group Investigating God. It was basically manuscript study. If you’re interested, we looked at John 5 about the invalid man by the pool and Jesus healing him. It was a good discussion, but I’m not going to write about that now. As I sat there partly taking in the story, partly observing who was in the room, it got me thinking about how much things have changed since last semester. Well I feel I was a very different person at the end-of-summer/last September than I am now. I know I’m constantly talking about this, but bitterness really did move into my soul. I look at the Freshmen who have, or appear to have, formed a really tight community and I reminisce about the first time I met them (yes, I remember each quite distinctly). I was more “bubbly” back then. I’m pretty sure they have notice some change in me as I am aware they are less incline to approach me now or talk to me as in days past. But anyway, it’s tough being in that environment. Ironic that I have yet to face down so many demons where God is suppose to be.

Jumping back to my scattered thoughts about school (I don’t feel like just scrolling up and adding on to that paragraph, okay?), I know I really need to pray about these/this/those decision(s) but I don’t think I ever really learned to listen to God’s voice, hence the situation I am in now. If I had understood where God was calling me to, I don’t think I’d be in this confused transitioning stage. Maybe it’s all part of the plan. Or maybe God is just having some fun. But yeah, this isn’t something that I can just eeny-meeny-miny-mo or take a tally of what other people think I should do and go with the one with the most votes. Actually, I don’t think the people that really cared about me would even participate in this imaginary “poll,” but…ahhhhh, I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore.

It’s 2:22am. I think that is the best I can do for now with my musings. I’m hungry. My feet are cold.


One thought on “Thoughts from Midnight

  1. After I got back from Italy, I was strongly considering culinary school and I made all kinds of charts of all of the options in the area (cost, time commitment, type of degree, commute, etc.). I’d be happy to send them your way if you’re interested in other options besides Le Cordon Bleu at this point… I also bought some short stories about being a chef which you are welcome to borrow if you think they will inspire you to feel more secure, or at least even more informed about your decision.

    I know nothing about carpentry so I really can’t help there.

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