Hello. This will be long-winded. Just warning you.
I’ve been wanting to make a post for a very long time now, but I could never decide what I wanted to write, or rather, where I should to start with the many thoughts in my head. So many things have happened since my last post (which was boringly about a pair of shoes that I wanted) in the world and in my personal life. Currently I am back in Boston, but not in classes nor on co-op. So what am I doing? I’m taking a break from school to re-evaluate life, etc. Yeah, okay, some of you may be scratching your heads now thinking “But aren’t you almost done with school? Why are you taking a break now?” The answer to these questions is kind of complicated. Credit-wise I am almost done with school, but with my mercurial ways I have unofficially switched my major yet again, and liberal arts degrees aren’t offered here. I know, that was foolish of me right? I should have just toughed it out and gone through the ASL-Interpreting program so I could graduate on time (on Northeastern standards anyway). Well, I couldn’t do it, so here I am trying to figure out what I should do with my life. I’m looking/applying to a carpentry school and a culinary school, but more on that later.
The Fall semester was an emotional rollercoaster. It started off optimistic but quickly met tension and ended with anger, disappointment, and bitterness. I was living in an off-campus apartment with my sister and two friends. Feeling refreshed (though somewhat cautious) from a leadership retreat for InterVarsity, I was ready to dive into the new school year, exploring philosophy as a possible major, excited about women’s small group and all the ways that God was going to reveal himself, and of course seeing old friends and meeting new people. Classes were going pretty well for the most part. Actually, this past semester was my best overall gpa out of my whole college career (though I did drop one class), so it wasn’t really the workload that was “killing” me. Anyway, I had a bit of a spiritual crisis come mid-October; I was just so pissed-off with God and the way things had turned out. I think I actually hoped to get run over by a car or hit by the T on my way to school a few times. But yeah, that mixed with unresolved issues with my roommates and others, put me in a pretty unhappy, possibly depressed, state. I somehow came out of that low point for a few weeks, and things were looking up, but there was still a lot of unrest in me, which didn’t bother staying buried for long.
So Winter break comes, I go home. Going home is always good for me, or at least it cheers me up a bit. I actually wasn’t home for much more than a week total, because of the Urbana Missions Conference in St. Louis, and the road trip that ensued right after. I want to say that Urbana was awesome and that now I know what my purpose is in life, but it really wasn’t all that life-changing for me. It was mostly the same stuff that InterVarsity’s been bombarding me with for the past few years (Hey, at least they’re consistent!). I went in with a pretty bad attitude (leftover from the semester in Boston), became numb to the disasters and horrors of the world, and annoyed (and maybe jealous) of the Jesus freaks that I was constantly surrounded by. I couldn’t wait until it was over. I rung in the new year with ~16,000-19,000 (I can’t be sure, they kept changing the number!) people in a stadium singing “Hakuna Mungu Kama Wewe.” I should have just let go and celebrated along, but instead I wallowed in self-pity.
The road trip was lots of fun. (Pictures are available for viewing on facebook if we are friends) We (my sister, Joyce, Winnie, and myself) went to Nashville, TN, Marietta/Atlanta and Savannah, GA, Wilmington, NC, Boyds, MD and Washington D.C. It was a good trip, not just because of all the fun stuff we did or cool places we saw, but also because we got to know each other better, the good, the bad, and the ugly parts included. For me, breathing fresh air (or actually, quite smelly air in Savannah and Wilmington), helped me to drop a lot of the anger and bitterness that I had been holding on to, and start to see people as inherently good-natured and genuine instead of leeches who just want to suck the life out of you. Maybe the southern hospitality worked its magic, but honestly, I think I was just tired of it all.
I know I have a lot of relationship issues, but I’m slowly learning how to build bridges instead of burning them. Most of the time I keep a lot of things inside until I’m about ready to explode, but sometimes I have no trouble at all being blunt and harsh to your face. Aiming for a happy medium. Yeah.
Okay, so back to the end of the beginning of this post… As the fall semester came to a close, I began an application process to the carpentry program at the North Bennet Street School. (I’m not going to explain “why carpentry?” here, so if you don’t already know, ask me personally) I’m pretty much done with the application, except for a basic arithmetic test I’m taking tomorrow and a tour of the campus next week. Today I went to an info session/interview at Le Cordon Bleu College of Culinary Arts in Boston. I don’t want to be so easily sold, but what they had to offer really attracted me. I have a quite a few dilemmas here. I’m torn between carpentry and culinary. I’m really interested in both of them in ways that nothing at Northeastern has caught my attention before. (I’m not sure if that sentence made sense…) You need a recommendation from an admissions representative to be accepted into Le Cordon Bleu and my interviewer told me that I’m basically in if I decide to apply. I can apply for classes starting in February or April. February is too soon. If I go for April, I can kiss Carpentry good-bye because I won’t hear back until late April/early May. And to further complicate things, I don’t know if my parents are cool with me ditching Northeastern for this. I mean, I’ve already invested 3.5 years (out of typical 5 years) there, and I’ll admit it’ll be a waste of money and time, but I don’t want to say it’ll be a waste of knowledge.
Another thing to note. Last year when I decided to withdraw from the ASL-Interpreting track, I had a handful of dreams of meeting Deaf people, or signing in my dreams and for the most part understanding what was going on. Maybe God was telling me to not give up so easily and go back, but I am more inclined to believe it was just my guilty conscience. Well, those dreams ended before the start of the new school year, and I hadn’t encountered the Deaf community at all since then (except for a couple of friends that I knew were still in that program)…until yesterday. I was headed to BU to take a short survey, in which I would be paid $20, when I bumped into a Deaf acquaintance. Well actually, he saw me and chased after me because I didn’t see him at first and I was listening to music, so I didn’t hear him trying to get my attention. I swear (but not really swearing), this guy recognizes me anywhere! Do I have a distinctive gait or clothing style? Because I’m pretty sure I’ve changed quite a bit physically over the seasons. Anyway, he gave me a bunch of flyers to Deaf events as he usually does, then we went on our separate ways. I don’t know if this was a coincidental encounter or if God is trying to tell me something. I know my mom really wants me to get a degree at Northeastern first before pursuing other stuff. I just don’t understand it.
Well, I’m going to end here soon, but I think I’m going to try to blog more often. People tell me I should keep a journal; probably because in those rare times when I really open up and share, I think I overwhelm them with my thoughts. I’ve tried countless times to faithfully and consistently write in my journal but it never works. The reason for this, I hypothesize, is because my writing can’t keep up with the speed of my thoughts. Well, maybe it’s a good discipline – to try to contain my thoughts to the speed of my writing ability, but then I feel I lose a lot of the important stuff. Typing isn’t fast enough either but it’s faster. So in blogging more often, hopefully the posts will be much shorter than this.